The saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But what if we could turn that phrase on its head and use comparison as a powerful tool for your athlete?
Athletes have constant access to social media, so comparison is natural. Instead of fighting it, we can help athletes manage their expectations and use comparison to set meaningful goals.
Social media can make it look like success comes easily. What athletes don’t see are the years of hard work, pressure, mistakes, and setbacks that happened before the success showed up on their screen.
Phase 1: Understand Your Athlete’s Abilities
First, you and your athlete HAVE TO KNOW what they are good at and what they still need to work on. Start by making a list of their strengths and areas for growth.
This gives your athlete a clear starting point and supports a growth mindset. Focus on both lists, and your athlete can continue developing season after season.
If you or your athlete aren’t sure about their strengths and areas for growth, encourage them to ask their coach. This is often where conversations about player development begin.
When writing down weaknesses, remember that these are simply skills that have not been fully developed YET. It does not mean your athlete is a bad player.
Phase 2: Understand Your Athlete’s Resilience
Next, look at resilience. It is often overlooked, but it is just as important as skill.
A less-skilled player who is resilient and willing to work may develop faster than a more-skilled player who struggles when things become difficult.
Basically: Can your athlete handle hard things? More importantly, are they willing to handle hard things?
Tip 1: Choose the Right Athlete for Comparison
If your athlete is going to compare themselves to another player, it may be helpful to choose someone who is already successful. It could be an athlete a few years older or someone they follow online.
However, make sure that player has a similar style.
If your athlete is not the fastest runner but is methodical and has a strong field-hockey IQ, compare them to a successful player with similar qualities. You don’t want your athlete trying to become someone who plays a completely different game.
The goal is not to copy another athlete. The goal is to see what may be possible.
Tip 2: Focus on What Your Athlete Can Control
A lot can happen over the course of a day, week, month, or season. Help your athlete focus on what they can control:
- Their effort
- Their attitude
- Their preparation
- Their response to feedback
- The work they do when no one is watching
And yes, I appreciate the irony of telling athletes to focus on themselves in an article about comparison!
When athletes consistently put in the work and begin to recognize their own progress, that growth will eventually show up in practices and games.
Tip 3: Praise Effort and Attitude Instead of Only the Outcome
We live in a society that assumes something went wrong whenever a team doesn’t win. That is simply not true.
Your athlete and their team can play a great game and still come up short. The best next step is to focus on what your athlete learned and how they responded.
When we only praise goals, assists, saves, or wins, athletes may begin to believe that their value is tied to the OUTCOME. That creates unnecessary pressure.
Instead, praise the work, courage, attitude, preparation, and decisions that led to the result. When you shift the focus from the outcome to the process, your athlete wins—even when the scoreboard says otherwise.
So yes, comparison can be useful—but it should help your athlete set a goal, not question their worth.
If your athlete says, “I want to play like that player,” help them look beyond the highlight reel. Talk about the work, resilience, and consistency it took for that player to reach that level. Then help your athlete identify the steps they can take to keep moving toward their own goals.
GOOD LUCK!
About Amy Masters
Amy Masters is a sports mom, coach, and club owner/administrator. She has been coaching youth sports (not just hockey) for more than 15 years. She started Jr Lions Field Hockey, the youth recreation program for the Hunterdon County community, growing it from 40 players in year 1 to 150 players by year 3.
A few years later, she saw the love and competitiveness grow, then started Omega Field Hockey Club, serving NJ and PA athletes. Before coaching, she was a collegiate field hockey player for Lock Haven University, winning 2 national championships and being named All-American.
In her spare time, she loves playing mediocre golf, spending time with family (like her latte addicted daughter, sarcastic son and kind husband), loves fitness, playing against the U12s in scrimmages, and is happy to race anyone. She was also the co-editor of a youth sports newsletter that served over 3 million subscribers. She is now taking her insight here to the world of hockey.
Each post is written by Amy Masters (not AI), but grammatically corrected by a robot – thanks robot.